So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
