Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
