i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
