i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
