Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
