you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dear god my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
