After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
