Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
