I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
