Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
