Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
