Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
