The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
