Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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