If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
