they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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