I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
