My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
