Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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