I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
