It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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