He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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