I wish my penis had an off switch
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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