Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
