You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
