He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
