If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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