Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
