at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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