So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
