I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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