his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
