Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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