And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
