i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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