Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
