She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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