took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My ass is underappreciated
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
