I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
be right there i have to get my cape
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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