I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
