I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
