is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
