I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
