Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
