She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
