he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
