The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
