Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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