dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
