I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
