his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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