Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
